I'm Thankful for These 9 Things in My Life

 Giving Thanks

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. My family is pretty casual, so we don't usually hold hands around the table and one-by-one express what we are thankful for. The members of my family typically hold their cards close to their chest. It doesn't mean we don't have feelings, we just don't share them as openly as some other folks might.  I do feel I have MANY things to be thankful for this year. Here they are for all the world to see:

1. My kids! Everyday, I hug and hold my babies tight. In the morning and between the time I get home from work and the time they go to bed, which sadly is only about a 3 hour time span, they are kissed, and told "I love you several times". I am incredibly grateful for them, and know they mean it when they repeatedly tell me, "I love you too, Mom."

2. My husband works his butt off. He deals with some pretty crazy stuff, risking his own personal safety almost daily for his family. He can be moody, and isn't the best communicator. But he is one solid dude. He's thoughtful, responsible and has his heart in the right place.


3. I have a roof over my head. I complain all the time how our house is as underwater as the Lost City of Atlantis but you know, nobody is making us stay here. There are people who have lost their homes and are living in their cars or shelters, and don't have any other options or anyone they can count on to help them out for a while. I know if anything happened, I have family who would support us in the short term. We'd never be out on the street.

4. I can put food on our table. I can buy my family fresh fruits and vegetables. I can choose to buy organic. My kids never go hungry. My heart breaks when I think of those who have to tell their hungry family they have nothing to eat, or that they must "find" food.

5. I am surrounded by wonderful friends. Some are lifelong, some are new. Most are IRL (in real life) some are social media friends that I share common interests with such as blogging or running. I KNOW that if I have something going on in my life, I have people to turn to or talk to. It horrifies me when I hear of suicides, and friends and acquaintances have no idea that anything was wrong. It's of no fault of the friends. What bothers me about it is that the person who killed themselves at some point felt they had no one to turn to, no one to listen, no one to trust. They were so desperate that the best option they had was death. Even as a sullen teenager suffering what I thought at the time were devastating problems, I vowed NEVER to EVER kill myself, that there would always be a better way, another option, a way of starting over. I love my friends.

6. I have a job. Sure, my commute SUCKS. But would I like to drive 50+ miles each day for this job, or sit at home and have no money and nowhere to go? I work for great people who treat me incredibly well. I work in a pretty cool industry in the heart of where it's all happening. Nationwide, the unemployment rate is much higher than it is in my area. Sure, our cost of living is through the roof, but at least there are jobs.

7. My PARENTS. Of course, without them I wouldn't be here. But they've done a lot for me over the years. They supported my education, stressed the importance of work ethic and responsibility in me from a young age. They adore my kids. My mom worked for 30 years, full time, and finally retired. Only to be roped in to watching my kids for me for the last 5 years so I could work, with only one break for nearly year when I was unemployed. I know its hard on her, its a tough job being with these two crazy boys 3x per week.I also know this can't go on for much longer. She's not getting any younger and I know she'd much rather be enjoying her leisure time in another way. We are very fortunate to have had her help for this long.

8. My "Uncle" who has survived a terrible form of cancer. He went from a healthy, strong, vivacious retiree who loves to vacation in Hawaii and Mexico to having surgery and being in a coma, and has taken over a year to regain his strength. He is back, mostly as good as new and is now going to undergo some type of experimental surgery and further treatment to keep him around longer. He and his wife have never been anything less than generous, giving and loving to our family and our prayers will be with them in the coming months.

9. Lastly, I am grateful for new beginnings. I found out tonight my sister is ENGAGED! I am so excited for them to start their lives together, and I hope it means nieces and nephews for me and cousins for my boys!  (Not to rush them, of course).

Tomorrow we are going to my parents. BIG thanks to them for hosting.  I am looking forward to spending time with those I love, including my cool Grandpa, and enjoying a delicious meal. I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving!

My Guardian Angel

Grandpa & Grandma 2002

 It has been seven years since my Grandma passed away. I almost can't believe it. And when she left us, she was gone just like that.

Her whole life, she had been the sweetest, kindest lady you could ever know. Always so loving, so giving, always wanted to take care of you. Of course, she was my Grandma, so I got the best of it. I was the first grandchild, the only grandchild for 10 years, and the only GIRL grandchild for 16 years. My mother had me at 21 and divorced when I was 2, and had to work. My grandparents took care of me and I often spent the night at their house. Sometimes, I would stay for several days. It just made it easier for my mother to not have to drop me off and pick me up each morning, plus I know my Grandma wanted to keep me there every day!

She always made me special breakfasts: waffles, pancakes, eggs with bacon and toast, or these yummy things she called "banana dumplings." They were basically delicious fried dough dumplings with bananas in them. They were fantastic.

I also remember how clean she was. Not only was I always clean, but she kept a very tidy house. While there were some years that I can remember as a young child that she worked in the cannery, I also remember other times that she stayed at home. I learned to help her at a young age to do dusting, fold laundry, etc.

She never had an unkind word to say to or about anyone. She never spoke sharply or raised her voice. She never spanked me or swatted me (although I'm sure I needed it sometimes) and was always looking out for me and protected me.

Once I started school, I went to the school in her neighborhood. I had really long hair in those days, and bangs cut straight across in the front. She always did my hair really nicely for school, either parted with barrettes, in a braid, pony tail or bun. I always had nice, clean clothes and if it was cold she made sure I was bundled up. I walked to school with my friend across the street and her older sister. My Grandma did not drive, she was too nervous...although she did hold a license and drove me to school once when it rained. For years I reminded her of "the time you drove me to school." She always asked me what I wanted in my lunch, I could pick out my sandwich and get it exactly the way I liked it.

My mother remarried when I was in 3rd grade, and I changed schools to the neighborhood school where I lived with my parents. I didn't see my Grandma every day, and sometimes not even on the weekend. I missed her, and I know my absence was hard on her too. There were times through out the years when my grandparents would drop me off at school or pick me up, or I would spend the night with them. We always remained close.

She was incredibly thoughtful and always gave me little gifts, whether it was a lipstick or nice jewelry of hers, or something new she picked out for me. She once gave me a lapel pin, a gold angel that I carry in my make up bag. I put it there because if I ever go out of town, my make up comes with me. And its like my guardian angel.

When I was in my 20's, I wanted to be independent and get away from my parents who were driving me crazy. I moved several hours away, and would come home only to visit on holidays for the most part. I would still talk to my Grandma on the phone every couple of weeks.  Her health was failing, and after 6 years of being away,  I moved back. She was so thin and frail...was becoming forgetful and clumsy. It broke my heart to see her this way. But she managed to continue on for another 4 years and after a while I got used to her being that way.

My Grandparents and sister on family trip to Morrow Bay, 2003

My family always got together for dinner at my grandparent's house every Sunday. We had all gathered as usual, had a lovely night and then all parted ways. The next day, my Grandpa called me on my cell phone and told me to come to the ER right away. Grandma had been up all night, she couldn't keep any of her food down. The ER doctor said there was an intestinal blockage and they needed to do an exploratory surgery.

Turns out my poor Grandma had cancer spread throughout her body. They removed all of it the best they could, but she was so weak they did not know how she would respond to the rigorous follow up treatment. All we knew is that we couldn't let her just go like that without a fight. They told us that if they just closed her up and kept her really comfortable she would be gone within days.

It turns out we didn't buy much more time with the surgery. We had her conscious in our lives for one more day, got to talk to her and hold her hand. But then she succumbed to pneumonia after another day and that was it. We would never get to hear her sweet voice or be able to look her in the eyes again. She was on life support but she wasn't coming back, and there was no sense in drawing it out. The night they removed her from life support, my whole family was there, holding her hand, stroking her hair, talking to her, hugging each other. When she finally went, we all swear we saw an angel rise up out of  her body and float away. The angel she was in life, she was also in death. That was seven years ago today, and I am wearing my pin to honor her, and thank her for being such an inspiration to me.

Monkey visiting Great-Grandma's grave with me